I am pretty sure that we will never have a unanimous opinion on this and debating will go on and on if we are to have one, with conflicting perceptions from various corners of the society. I have been pondering over to write about this topic for almost 2 yrs back but refrained from doing so as many who read my blog is from the orthodox Tamil society and a very few will appreciate my views. Well I am ready to break the shackles now, but only for a few and you are one among them.... :) This is the only reason for my new blog space.
Pre-marital sex is perfectly right an act and I don't see anything wrong in it. People with a different view can stop here, continuing is only going to irritate and frustrate you ... :) The term by itself has gained popularity only in the recent times and there were not many instances of the same being talked about a couple of decades back. At the same time none can deny its existence right from the day mankind came into existence, but it is more prevalent these days than it was in the past. Everything has a reason in the world except love, so does the increase in the pre-marital affairs. There are few factors leading to it and the average age of getting into marriage is a vital factor of all. The average age of people getting into marriage have been increasing steadily over years and we can see people marrying in their late twenties or early thirties which was an age to have couple of children going to school for our previous generation. The next factor would be the age at which we attain physical maturity which has been decreasing on contrary to the previous factor. And when I say physical maturity I mean the readiness of the people to explore their sexual capabilities. I am not sure if physical maturity is the right term for it…. ! ! ! To my knowledge many girls attained puberty during their 12th standard or after that a generation back, but it is not a rare sight to see a girl attaining puberty when she is in her 6th std or even below in few cases these days. The major blaming for this goes to the kind of diet we have and it is still in research I believe. But for some reason it has come down over years. And the last according to me would be lack of exposure to sex education and that has not improved till date. I don’t see a drastic improvement even in the near future.
Considering all these factors it’s natural for someone to indulge in pre-marital affairs and you can’t blame them for it. Had they married earlier they would have had a passage to meet their biological needs and pre-marital affairs is something they would have never given a thought about. People today go through a tremendous pressure in their academic and professional life than the ones from the previous generation and pre-marital affairs help them to relax a bit from all these pressures. It also helps them to explore their sexual side and even decide what kind of a girl or guy they like before marriage to some extent but one should also be aware that life is not just about sex.. J After having said all these this theory holds good both sexes and generally our society doesn’t mind what a guy does before marriage and act differently when it comes to a girl. That’s totally unfair, if a guy wants to have an pre-marital affair then he should be more than ready to accept a wife who is not a virgin… J That’s a bitter pill for him to take but the girl had done the same for him too. And when it comes to extra-marital affairs people have I see that to be cheating and I am still not able to see the right side of it. Many have argued it is just because of the fact they have ended up with a wrong partner. I need to explore on that side of relationships a little more before I can comment anything on that …. J
Disclaimer: This is just my personal opinion and has got nothing to do with my personal life :)
6 comments:
Dude,
I hv diff opinions abt this topic.
I would hv been happier if you had written abt extra-martial sex.
I am not for it..may be i feel there can be never a day when we are ready for it be it marriage. There is never an ideal partner to fall in love with it. So the argument of wrong partner and hence EM sounds incorrect to me.
Opinions differ.
Pre-Marital sex is okay as long as the girl and guy were to marry each other. Affairs - either pre-marital or post-marital is dangerous and wrong. But people should have the guts to admit their sexual life. More often than not, people lie and cheat to hide their sexual flings. Good post!... and naga, you don't have to venture out to find out what is EM affairs, certain things are better left untasted. Find your soul mate and love her to bits.
@ Evil's Twin Well i have not tasted PM as well machi :) thats why the disclaimer... and about EM I just wanted to explore the reason for the same apart from raw lust.... I am not sure if I will be able to do that ! ! !
I would say love is elevated form of sex, sex is actually divine & it actually involves creation of new life!! what a magnificent phenomenon. I think people would have started wearing dress just to protect their body but the dress have created a eager curiosity for covered parts, or else breast would have been something like ear or nose. The society conveys a lot of rubbish messages to us in form of religion, one most misleading message is that sex is sin, but sex is god, a passion for new creation & it is the search of the soul to create a new evolved being & it helps us to experience the greatest form of bliss( an egoless/selfless state), to me a proof to existence of god. we consider it a sin asper the society perspective & neglect to speak about it,but the power of sex is actually immense & it overcomes us.Homosex, child sex abuse, premartial sex, extra martial sex are due to repressing the sex.yes sex education at the right age is very important. But teachers themselves are not matured enough & the present situation is that even zoological teachers feel embarrassed to explain about penis, vagina!!! Actually you need courage to do it. Actually sex is our best friend & great power, accept , understand & elevate it.Expressing it physically lowers our energy & we started to have a hatred feeling for it. when transcended it would be very hard for one to differentiate male or female. when the real search is understood, & when it is expressed spiritually , people can remain in bliss for ever, yes a much much greater bliss than experienced during coitus ( physical sexual intercourse)!! In other words celibacy or Brahmacharya is not eliminating sex it is transcending sex to higher levels. And as you say, there is still male domination in the society, they want a virgin partner though they are not!! I have arguments with many of my fnds reg premartial sex, they would say since the virginity of the would be is a uncertain thing, he doesnt want to be pure. but i use to answer them like this, A simple logical answer... there is always a chance to it even after marriage, why not wait till marriage & if you come to know if she is not a virgin then get involved. bcoz if you already involved, & if you get virgin who expresses a pure divine love for you , then it makes you guilty for rest of your life..no reverting back This is bcos we never search what the Enlightened ones say about sex, i had a oppurtunity to read about it. As you know me well, i also really neglect speaking about sex, In my case i usually wish to be more honest in all parameters. this naturally applied to sex also .so as you know i had many rules i will not see married girls , teachers etc but personally i had a feel i am eliminating sex, Thinking it to be a enemy & trying it to eliminate it will only make you suffer more. but i was confident that my path was right, so i searched to get answers for it & now i get a satisfied & convincing answer that "SEX IS GOD & WE NEED TO TRANSCEND IT" FYI, you may refer to the book"Sex to Super conscious- OSHO" , the things i have said are very small excerpts from the book, Try to get & read. Actually i thought of giving it to you as your marriage gift bcos i felt that this book should be read before everyones firstnight so that they will be able to produce innovative future generations who would suffer less, but since you are in search to know about sex i am saying it earlier. Then i feel it would not be right to share this type of Enlightened approach to sex in blogs bcoz people will not give much importance to it since they dont have a search for it & real meaning will not be understood, but you may recommend the book to others if they search for it or if you feel the real meaning would be understood. But the topics as the one you have written now is ok, np in that.
@ Ramesh - Loved reading your "blog".
@ Naga - Well thought of post. Great usage of the english language, i could see you have taken efforts not to offend anyone in this blog.. My take is Pre-marital sex is perfectly ok if both(Guy & Girl) are fine with it. To put it other way one shouldn't force the opposite sex on the basis of lust. As Ramesh said it's all about rejoicing the pleasure and enhancing the divinity rather than quenching one's thirst.
@ Rajesh Thanks da and I did take an effort not to hurt anyone. I guess we are in the same boat with the opinion. @Nirmal I don't have much idea on EM affairs and thats why ended up saying I need to post separately on them :)
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