கவரி மான்

"மயிர் நீப்பின் உயிர் வாழா கவரி மான்" This is a well known proverb in my vernacular language. It literally translates to "A breed of fictional deer named KAVARI MAAN will just die for it lost its hair". Little high exaggeration, but then it reflects the humungous importance given to pride and prestige by ancient tamilians.... :)

Should pride and prestige be given more importance than life itself????

I have been thinking about this question for quite a long. The reason behind the question is that, I am just startled by the way parents force their children into marrying someone just based on the fact they are from the same caste and religion even if one chosen is not that good, just to protect their so called pride and prestige in the society. The worst part here is the usage of the tool called emotional blackmail.

"நீ மட்டும் நாங்க பாத்த பொன்ன கல்யாணம் பன்னிக்கலனா , மொத்த குடும்பமும் நகன்டுட்டு சாக வேன்டியதுதான்...." This is a typical dialogue one has to put up when they are fighting for their love.There are many more up their sleeves.


I am pretty much sure they wouldn't mean what they say in an attempt to make their children listen to them. Even if they do mean it just their stupidity and I would say that the children are in no way responsible. But poor children just fall for this trap knowing the fact that their parents don't mean what they say. They have no other go but to go ahead with the marriage even though they are not a percent interested in it. I wonder why do parents never think of the after effects of marriage which their children, whom they have loved for the past 25 years, have to go through. They are completely blind folded by this ridiculous society and I pity the parents really who ruin their own child's life by one moment of madness. This has got nothing to do with the educational status of the parents as I see even the most educated parents stick to this system of Arranged Marriage. Though many of the arranged marriages have worked, the sole reason behind that would be a huge pain and hell lot of compromises from both the parties. They just live as partners for the society and never for themselves. I know a very few who have enjoyed their lives after arranged marriage.


Let’s just consider the factors influencing the decision for an arranged marriage.

1. Religion.
2. Caste.
3. Horoscope [This one is a sole factor for Hindus]
4. Photos.
5. Family Background.
6. Security check on the bride/groom [This is very rare but developing].

The first 2 is total crap and I wouldn’t take pains to write on it here. It is bloody obvious we wouldn't check what caste is a guy donating blood when are met with an accident or check the religion of a doctor who is operating on us when we are in grave danger. So just cut this religion and caste crap.

Next is horoscope. In fact almost all from Hindu community strongly believe in this shit even before they move on to other decent factors. I seriously find no reasons to believe this. Horoscope is based on Geo-Centric theory while it is a proved fact that the solar system is in fact Helio-Centric. And going by the statistics i guess there is a possibility of minimum of 2 births at the same time in the universe. But no 2 person have the same life which is supposed to be the case if we are to believe horoscopes. So horoscopes are ruled out.

Next is the photo. This can be huge factor for few but not for the ones who are very urgent to get married. This again reveals nothing about person’s character and Photoshop can help a lot..... :) So it is not a great factor to rely on.

Moving on to the next factor family back ground, this factor contributes positively to a certain level towards narrowing down on the choices available. But I would say that it is not strong enough to bank on for a lifelong commitment. I know few children who reflect the characters of their parents but most are not that way. If a guy is ready to get his daughter married to me based on what my dad, all I can do is just ridicule him. Though I am not that bad, I am in no way close what my dad. We both have completely different ideologies towards life.... :)

The final factor is the security check and this is one factor which contributes in the most positive way of all the listed factors. But then it's a human tendency to project our self in the smartest way as if we are the best bride/groom once we have decided to get married and not until after 3 months of marriage we get to know the real characters. If we are in sync then we would have one hell of a life, if not then life itself would be a hell..... :) Even the private security agency doesn’t give us the required info. One can never get ones character unless and until they are close to them. What can a poor detective do here :)

The only person who knows best about a person is they them self and not parents or friends. These days children would for sure know what is best for them and they would be is the best position to choose their life partners instead of others. After all the next phase of life after parents for them is completely dependent on their better half. The only way to go forward is let everyone figure out what’s best for them.Just forget what the society has to say and do what's best for the children, I am sure they will make you proud than what you would have getting them married to the one you want to. I would be surprised if there is any other lovely gift than this in one’s life.

Disclaimer: No offence intended on the couples with a happy (arranged) married life and also on parents looking for bride/groom for their children based on the factors listed. It is just my perception.... :)