This is one topic which most girls may find it offending, it would be better for them to stop with this very first sentence before hating me ... :) So here we go .....
I see many girls these days cut short of smiles which they had a few months back only to remember that they are married now and live with their In-Laws. Well it is really difficult for the girls to leave a place and people with whom they have been comfortable with for the past 20 odd years and move to a new place and get used to all those whom they have hardly met. This holds good for any kind of a marriage.Well this relocation concept as they call in IT industry is difficult for guys too.But it's the girls who are the scape goats in our society set-up and I really pity them and there is very little that we can do about it.
So what is that very little we can do about it ? Hmmm... ! Thats a Good question :)
This doesn't mean that I don't have an answer for this. I do have one and it is simple. All that we have to is just understand others and their feelings or emotions what ever they call it. Easier said than done. ... :) I know. Well somehow I get a feeling that most Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Laws hates each other.Spending considerable time analysing what the reason behind this,we will narrow down to a simple issue called the possessiveness :) The Mother feels that her son is being taken away from her while the girl finds her In-Law to be great hindrance in her way to get along with her husband.It is just a pshycological problem.
Simple fact is the newly weds needs to spend considerable time to get along and it is very natural that they spend most of their time with the new found companion than anybody else.Everybody takes a back seat in their life including siblings,friends and even parents.All we have to realise is that after marriage the priorities get changed which would have been the case even when they were married but somehow they find it difficult to get in terms when they face the music.
Now coming to guys,all they have to do is reduce or if possible abort their Male Chauvinism and treat their In-Laws as their parents and not like a strangers on whom you can count on for your financial needs.No offence here but that's how many are today.Exceptions are handful in this case.
And now to girls, they are the ones with a major chunk to do here. Treat your In-Laws as your family and don't get bogged down by the thought that you have to adjust to all this crap until I get the guy out of this family and start a nuclear family.Instead try to adapt to the new life and you will feel part of a new family as you felt back in your home.I bet this will never happen overnight but then it will happen for sure provided you are patient enough. How long is a question nobody can answer.
It all depends on how much both parties wanting to be together in harmony... :)
The whole point behind me writing this post is a question from my friend. "What do u think about a Joint Family" ? Well when someone asks you a opinion on something you can be assured that they have something against it. I did give her my opinion on that, but what was shocking to know was her idea about the joint family.To me a joint family is one where u haveathais,mamas,chithappas,chithis,paati.thatha so on and so forth.I guess most would agree with me on this,but to her just the presence of In-Laws makes it a joint family. I was alarmed to hear this. May be it is because of the definition in one of our company policy for family where it reads " Family is you , your spouse and your kids " .. :)
Well may be she is not at fault. The society has now become more self-centred and everybody thinks only for themself than it was before including me.The family set-up is now becoming more and more nuclear and thats ridiculous for me. I wonder who will take care of the parents if everyone wants to live only with their better-half.One thing we have to remember is ,what we are today and what we will be tomorrow is all because of our parent's sacrifice in the past and it is really unfair to be bloody selfish and live only for yourself ignoring the elders.
I would suggest, infact advice against having a companion who is not going treat your parents with some concern.This holds good for both guys and girls.
17 comments:
Reminds me of a story we read in our schools about a son giving his father a plate made of earthenware , which his son inturn preserves it for him in future :)
We shouldn't be forgetting the fact that we are also gonna be parents & In -laws one day :)
Neenga nallavara... kettavara?
Awww... Awww.... Theriliyepaa....
@ Anonymous
Nallavanu paer edutha kaettavan :)
Neenga yaarupa ... !
@ Mithra
What is that story ? I dont remember anything of that sort !
Velan was a carpenter. He was living in a village. His mother dies a long time back. His aged father, Kuppan, lived with Velan. Kuppan was very weak. He could not even walk well. He was so weak. It was because Velan did not give him enough food. He had given his father a small earthen plate. Even a small quantity of rice in the plate appeared to be much. Velan was a bad man. He was a drunkard also. After taking drinks, he abused his father badly.
Velan had a son. His name is Muthu. Muthu was just ten years old. He was a very good boy. He loved his grandfather. He had great respect for his grandfather. He did not like his father’s attitude and character, because his father was treating his grandfather cruelly.
One day Kuppan was eating his food out of earthen plate that his son had given to him. The earthen plate fell down. The plate broke into pieces. The food also fell on the floor. Velan was working at the other end of the room. He saw the broken plate. He was very angry with his father and used very harsh words to abuse his father. The old man felt bad about what happened. He was sorry for his mistake. Velan’s words wounded him very deeply.
Velan’s son, Muthu, saw this. He did not like his father. His father was ill-treating his grandfather. He was afraid to speak against his father. He was sad about his grandfather. But he was not powerful to stand in support of his grandfather.
The next day Muthu took some of his father’s carpentry tools and a piece of wood. He worked with the tools to make a wooden plate. His father saw him working.
“What are you making, Muthu?” he asked.
“I am making a wooden plate!” replied Muthu.
“A wooden plate! What for?” asked his father.
“I am making it for you, father. When you grow old, like my grandfather, you will need a plate for food. A plate made from earth mat break very easily. Then I may scold you severely. So, I want to give you a wooden plate. It may not break so easily.”
The carpenter was shocked to hear this. Only now he realized his mistake. His father was kind to Velan He had looked after Velan very well. Now, he was old. Velan was treating his father severely. Velan was now very sad about his own behavior. He realized his mistakes. He then became a different person.
This is the story... Parents can be replaced with Inlaws to suit ur blog :)
Good to read.. Yes we should accept and remember the fact that we are also gonna be parents & In -laws one day :)....
Dude..
these modern day girls make a big scene out of inlaws..
partly thanks to zillion TV serials which capture inlaws as some enemies..
basically u must get an inherent respect for your in laws..thats when best relationships happen!!!
whover the anonymous was..superb comment...
Naga..neeinga nallavana or kettavana..
simbu madiri kettavanu peru edhuta nallavanu dialogue lam adika kudadhu :)
Hey..
Never say that girls make a scene on this aspect.. Its they who suffer and not the guys who says bye early in the morning and comes back home late night.. Just because they are the guy's parents they feel dominant and superior comapared to the girl's parents.. Basic in-laws expectation is that the girl should treat them as their own parents but they forget the fact that they should treat the daughter-in-law as their own daughter..
I wanted to mention that not all in-laws are like this but many..
Hope many girls will accept to my point..
@ Nirmal
Actually it is the other way round. Kaettavanu paer edutha nallavan ... :) I agree to your point but.
@Wishasmile,
Well it is girls who marry/choose their partners based on status (95% of arranged marriages it is proven..) and in such cases you must be able to accept what you get!!
If ur mom in law behaves like a mom,great else its how you live with it.
"ts they who suffer and not the guys who says bye early in the morning and comes back home late night"
I am not sure how many modern girls do this..infact they say bye to their inlaws and board bus early morning..sometimes mom in laws prepare lunch too,at times also make their in laws to look after kids and go to work.
Nways,i dont want to make this as an argument. Basically what we get is we have to accept and move on!!
@ Nirmal
This will not turn out to be an arguement
Cha nimmy, come on man, arguments help!
It helps people to discuss their opinions, learn from them and also teach others if they care to listen. Works for both men and women.
On the topic,
Naga, really good one. I was so damn busy, never got a chance to read blogs these days. Today I'm on a commenting roll, hence I'm here.
I agree with the comment that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are feeling insecure about their relationship with THE man :P
Also, I agree with wishasmile(whoever you are) about boy's parents trying their weight over girl's parents. But I know many instances where the girl's parents act tooo smart cos the boy's parents aren't educated/ working.
I never understood the concept of mama, thatha, patti, athai, cousins, etc, etc, etc, living with me. Everyone thinks they are the ruler of the family and it never helps!
In relationships, distance matters a lot. Maintain some distance with others, live and let others live in peace. Love and care always!
I'm done :P
Mithra, thanks for sharing the story.
I came upon this blog and reading this honestly irks me!!!!! If a girl and guy are getting married to start a new life then why is it that the girl has to live with the guy's parents or the guy with the girl's??? They need to move out of their parents and build a home for themselves. Thats a new beginning!
Ofcourse readin this, you will know i'm a woman :)
well yet another selfish girl who needs parents till she finds another source of income ... Do u think there is any use in replying to ur comment.... of course no :)
Selfish?? Well lets see you make a grand gesture and live with the girl's parents. Just coz you don't have to doesn't make you chief justice of daughter-in-laws!
You have attempted to write about a topic with no knowledge of the actual pain girls go through!
Well you can never say that I don't have knowledge without knowing on what basis I wrote this blog.....
and one more thing from what u have commented on my blog i don't see anything other than a selfish girl in you
Your responses and take on life show how immature you really are. You have no actual life experience in anything, you just write off from what you think other people go through and so i only ask that you have a little respect and not be judgemental about other people, even people who just comment on your blog.
i haven't judged u here but the comments u give is like u need the parents till u grow and then u want to throw them away and start a life for urself... what do u call this for urself ???? From the little vocabulary that i use i call that to be selfish... let me know otherwise :)
Post a Comment